Sometimes I just wonder if i'm just crazy or plain stupid? I wake up at 5.45am on Saturday morning. Spend my whole Saturday morning and half my afternoon with a bunch of young people who couldn't care less if they were there or not. Standing under hot sun just cos I have to be a good role modal. Lose my voice trying to get through their thick heads and youthful-can't-sit/stand-still energy. Stress every week/ day over the programs and activities for them. Organize events and functions. Planning and brainstorming. Solving conflicts between members. Trying to keep the whole company together. Hoping every week that no one drops out. Fire-fighting every week, every day. Keeping my rationality. Praying for wisdom beyond my age. Hoping that no one will notice my ignorance and fear. Trying to keep peace between officers. Trying to make good and right decision that will affect everyone. Making sure no one is ignore or left out. Tying to build a closer relationship with my girls. Being a figurehead. Keeping peace between everyone. Answering to the demands of parents. Making sure that I do not say or write anything that will hurt someone else. Trying my best to meet the demands of parents who expects miracles.
Why do I even put myself through this?
The funny thing is, I'm not getting paid to do all this.
I am only human. I am doing my best.
Please forgive me if I fail you.