December 12, 2016


Motherhood is not what I thought it would be. That's if I did put some thoughts into what motherhood is like beyond having cute babies. If I did know, I would have think twice. Don't get me wrong, I love my babies and would not give them up for anything in the world. But I guess I would be more prepared if someone tell me what motherhood is going to be like. Even after being a mama for almost 14 months, I still feel like I'm just struggling to stay afloat. And this is just with 1 baby. What more another one that is along the way?

Photo taken 29 days after Hannah's birth. Lanky limp hair, make up less face, exhausted body, but my heart is full. 

No one told me motherhood was this tough. Motherhood is about giving up your life and any form of self existence to a tiny human being that constantly require your attention 24/7. Motherhood is bathing with the door open and singing silly songs while your baby shouts and scream at you from the crib. Motherhood is holding your poo or pee in so that you wont wake the baby up by getting out of bed. Motherhood is putting your baby first ALL THE TIME without even thinking about it. Motherhood is worrying all the time if you are providing enough for your child or if you are bringing her up the right way. Motherhood is sleeping at an awkward position all night long so that your baby will get a good sleep. Motherhood is feeding your baby her food first even though you are feeling so super duper hungry you could eat a whale. Motherhood is rocking and bouncing your baby even though your arms feel like its going to break. Motherhood is feeling so exhausted yet napping with one eyes open and your hands holding on to you baby who is trying to get out of bed. Motherhood is getting bitten and scratch and head bumps and bruises from your active and teething baby. Motherhood is constantly having someone touching you with her dirty or drool covered hands during mealtimes all the time. Motherhood is having someone climbing all over you when you just want to sit or lie down for a rest. Motherhood is waking up and taking care of your baby no matter how tired you are or how much you want to sleep in. Motherhood is changing dirty smelly diapers without any complains at any time of the day. Motherhood is waking up at odd times at night just to check if your baby is breathing. Motherhood is feeling so sick that you just want to lie in bed all day but you force yourself to get up because your baby needs you. Motherhood is learning to eat with one hand while the other hold on to your baby. Motherhood is picking at boogers, ear wax, unknown sticky stuff or sniffing at poo filled diapers. Motherhood is screaming and crying on the inside. Motherhood is feeling like you can go crazy at times, but you just hold it all in cos there is someone who needs you. Motherhood is giving up all that you though you know for a lifetime of mistakes and trials. Motherhood is so much more than just giving birth to cute babies. Motherhood is a lifetime of commitment and sacrifices.

It's not easy being a mother. You basically give up your life for another human being. And by giving up, I don't mean dying, cos that will be much easier. You give up your life and live the rest of your life for your children and your family. I know. People tells me it gets easier. And yes, I know there are mothers out there who can still manage to have their own life besides having kids. I am trying to. To discover who I am beyond just a mother. But some part of me feel guilty whenever I have a little leisure for myself. Like I am not giving my baby my full attention. So while I struggle with balancing out time for myself and my baby and figuring out this whole motherhood thing, I'll just want to salute to all mothers out there. I know what you are sacrificing. I know how tough it is. But hang in there, because I believe we can make it work. We are strong enough. I am strong enough. 

And to all those mothers to be, don't be afraid. You will struggle, you will falter, you might despair but don't worry, hang in there. It will all be worth it. It is worth it. 

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