Both kids are asleep, Rockstar is out 'yamchaing' and I am home munching on homemade banana cake. The banana cake was truly a surprise. Right before bedtime, I found the two brown bananas sitting on the shelf and decided to do a quick banana cake to save them. I was half way through mixing them when I realized I did not have an eggs in the fridge. A quick google and I substituted it with vegetable oil, crossing my fingers and hoping it will not turn out too oily. Since one bub was already cranking and fussing, I quickly mixed everything and threw it into the oven. And it turned out well, better than I expected. Not oily, and extra crunchy. Which made me think about life the last couple of days.
Being a mom is confusing. One minute, I am a sucker for research and books and articles, and the next I just give up and go with whatever works. It's tough being a mother. I wish there is but no, there isn't one handbook or recipe that gives you a perfect kid. There is no 'here follow this step by step and your kid with turn out a decent human being'.
When I just became a mom, a read and watch hundreds of videos, articles, books on how to mother. And I did try to follow, I did try. Google became my best friend and whenever I wasn't sure about anything, I googled. But when the second one came, time was a commodity which I did not have. So I did whatever I thought was OK. And you know what, I believe that it is alright. Sometimes I try to do what is proper, but sometimes things does not work out and it is ok to just make do with whatever I have.
For example, bedtime. Sleep train or not. Every since they were born, my kids have a bedtime routine, but they do not sleep at the same time every night. For the past 2 years, our family have been back and forth across the globe, went through so many different time zone and back. I struggled with bedtime. I struggled a lot. I wonder why other kids are so easy. I wonder what am I doing wrong. But just recently, I realized that it's not working for us. Yes, I do want a schedule and routine. Yes, I do want to sleep train but that can wait. Because that won't work for us now. And the more I try to fight it, the more stressed I become. So for now, I will just go with the flow. Some nights, if all the stars aligned, I do a little sleep training. But on some nights, I just let my bubs fall asleep on my boobs and that is ok. After all, it will be too soon when he doesn't need me anymore.
So yes, my advise to mothers and future mothers, it's ok. Read, learn as much as you can about being a good mother. Practice them. But if they do not work for you, that is ok. There is no one recipe that creates the perfect kid. You just need to do your best. And that is all that matters. Just create your own recipe.