I did it!

It's almost midnight and it is pouring outside. The kids are asleep. I am suddenly feeling all nostalgia and decided to blog. I am not sure if this is going to be the start of my blogging again or just a one off thing. But as of now, my thoughts and heart is telling me to. Maybe it is the combine effect of so many things happening the last few days and my kiddos are both growing up so fast. I need somewhere to remember, not for anyone else, but for me to look back one day and see how far I've gone. 

Rockstar is currently away in China and I am left alone with the 2 kids. This is the first time ever he has been away for so long. When he first told me, I was afraid. Afraid that I couldn't handle both the kids on my own. Afraid that I may lose it. Afraid of so many uncertainties. As his departure date drew nearer and nearer, I got a little bit more confident. I told myself maybe I could do this. Maybe I needed to believe in myself more. Maybe, just maybe, everything will work out. But yet, the tiny nagging voice at the back of my head kept telling me no. 

That's what motherhood did to me. It made me question my decision. It made me doubt my abilities. It made me second guess myself in all situation. It made me lose confidence in my capabilities. And the knowledge that I am no longer who I was, the strong capable adventurous person, is almost enough to break my spirit. 

But it did not. I survived. I am still intact. Rockstar is coming back tomorrow and I did it. I made it through. And even though there were help at times, I can confidently say that I can do it. And to those who say that I cannot this do this or that, know that I did. I can take care of both my kids. I can feed both my kids. I can handle 2 kids on my own. Do not tell me what I can or cannot do. 

I am stronger than what I thought I am. I am still as capable as I was. And maybe even much more.